When will my life begin…

Okay yes, title of this post was inspired by the movie Tangled, but moving on..

The thing about life is we’re all waiting for something. Some are waiting for a beginning, others are waiting for an ending, but we’re all waiting and that’s the problem. A few weeks ago I took a step back and looked at everything and I realised how much waiting I’ve actually been doing, and the living to waiting ratio was not what it should have been. I realised that I wasn’t living at all. I was allowing everyone else to make my decisions and hardly ever made my own.

After this realisation I was so disappointed in myself. It defied everything I stand for, which is individuality and self-empowerment. What I was doing was exactly the opposite and that is just plain sad. I realised a lot of my life was a façade, something I talked myself into because I thought it was for the best when in actual fact it wasn’t at all. I was infatuated with a life that wasn’t mine. As I thought more about it I realised that it wasn’t everyone and everything else that was fake, it was me.

I spent an entire night just lying there with my mind racing. Thoughts and more realisations were stumbling over each other and it was scary and I will admit I had more than a few tears in my eyes. Everything I knew was a lie and it was all me. I realised why I wasn’t happy and that’s when I made the official decision to be exactly who I am. Someone who makes my own decisions for my happiness, because in the end it’s my life and I’m the one who has to live it the way I choose. If I choose to let someone else define how I feel about something then that’s not me being faithful and honest with myself and I could not carry on living like that. So I began being honest with myself and as cliché as it sounds I truly started following what my heart was telling me. I started letting go of whatever issues I had with anyone and started cutting all the negative thinking out. For once in my life I was finally thinking about myself and I finally felt free.

That trapped feeling I had inside suddenly disappeared and I could finally be myself and I have never truly been this happy.

Sparrow

10 June 2015

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