About two weeks ago I went on a small trip to a nearby camp site with my
former class mates.
When I had made the decision to go with on the camp I was anxious to say the least. I feared the anxiety I thought I would have during the few days that would lead up to the day we would leave but as the days creeped by closer I had completely forgotten that I was even going and that surprised me, a lot.
I had assumed that I would dread going especially because I had had a bit of a falling out with a close friend and I hadn’t completely made up with her before that time and having to spend three full days around her would normally annoy me beyond belief. The night before however, I had made the decision to not let anger and hatred ruin the positive outlook I’d had on the trip so I decided to try and make peace with what had happened and I did and it was the best decision that I could’ve made. Since then I’ve realised that a lot of the time we’re only hurting ourselves when we hold things against other people and why we do it still bothers me. i guess it’s because it’s so easy for us to blame someone for all the hurting that’s going on internally so instead of actually sorting through it ourselves we shove it on someone else in hopes of it going away eventually, but it doesn’t. the hate towards that particular person goes away sure but that vacuum of sadness and longing for some type of relief doesn’t and leaves us in a cycle of continuously blaming someone for the hurt that you’re feeling. A big lesson I’ve learnt is that you can never really blame someone else for how you react to something.
I surprised myself a lot during those four days (day before we left as well as the three days of camp that followed).
When we arrived at the camp I had this unusual positive bubble around me. I just didn’t care about anything for once and I could actually be myself. It was strange, it was uplifting.The camp was meant to give us some leadership skills and we jumped straight into things and I managed to push on without a single thread of doubt. I had this confidence I’d never experienced before. It felt real and I loved every moment of it.
It’s strange how we go through life thinking one thing when the reality is completely different. I loved that with the newly found confidence I managed to speak to people I never thought I would normally speak to. I had meaningful conversations with people that hadn’t meant much to me before. I woke up every day with a smile on my face even on the second day when I had fallen ill I tried my best not to let it get me down. For a moment it did, and I was ready to go home but then I sat with myself and thought about what I really wanted to do. Was I going to let the pit in my tummy control me once again, control my decisions and my emotions or am I going to just do what I want to do. A split second I did let it control me but then I changed my mind. I decided that I didn’t want to just give up so I didn’t and that is a lesson I don’t ever want to unlearn and so far I’ve been doing quite alright in not letting that hesitation keep me from doing things I actually really want to and I’m having the time of my life for once actually living my life. I highly suggest that you do the same. If you live your life always wanting to be comfortable I promise you, you will miss out on life changing experiences and that is just sad. You’ll only really be able to grow if you stretch to a place you haven’t been able to reach yet.
The pictures throughout the post are from the campsite we stayed at and were photographed by me
11 October 2016